Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Rules of the Club of Manhood

The rules of the club of manhood are for the most part unwritten but there are one or two that deserve to be explicitly recorded and a new one has just come to my attention:

If you just happen to be a handsome young man who just happens to be getting married to a beautiful young lady and if you also just happen to be a talented musician then DO NOT give in to the temptation to write your beloved a haunting ballad expressing your undying love. DO NOT play said ballad at your wedding. DO NOT record it on you tube. DO NOT distribute mp3's to all of your friends and acquaintances.

THINK before you do any of the above things of your fellow man. THINK of the vast bulk of us who's musical ambition stretches no further than to learn to play the radio.  THINK of the way our wives, girlfriends significant others will latch on to this song and play it over an over with far away looks in their eyes. Think man, FOR GOD SAKE THINK of the scornful glances they will then cast at us, their own untalented lumps of manhood.

Do not imagine for one moment that writing the song in French excuses your crime against mankind. In fact it makes it far far worse. Even schoolboy French is sufficient to decipher words like "amour" and "eternelle", while those untranslated passages crooned so powerfully in your manly voice serve only to increase the sense of mystery and romance in the eyes of our beguiled partners.

I am just saying. OK?

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